I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
