My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
