well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize