The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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