I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
