Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
