So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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