how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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