Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my being single is dangerous.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
