Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Everything about him screamed your future.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
