This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
