He is such a slut. More and more my type.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
