You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
