I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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