every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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