If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
