Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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