yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
