Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
