my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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