At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
