help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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