walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
