My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
