after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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