last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
