I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
