Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
