Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My vagina just recognized that song.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
