i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize