U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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