No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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