TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Randomize
