I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Randomize
