I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
