The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
