so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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