hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
