I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
