Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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