I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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