it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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