and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
