I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
