Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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