So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
