I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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