I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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