I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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