As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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