dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Oh god it's open bar.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
