I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
