my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize