i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
