Your tits are I can't wait for
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
