bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
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