Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
