I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
