its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
