I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
