OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
