My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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