i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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