"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
