I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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