when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
