I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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