So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize