Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
