you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
They took my balls.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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