Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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