I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
