Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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