you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
