I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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