foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
