hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Randomize
