opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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