If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
