Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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