Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
