Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
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