Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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