I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
