we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
